Todeswunsch 1995

Flesh Crucifix

Mors voluntaria
venerabilis es dea
me suaviari cum labris frigorum
tu obscurissima omnes deorum...

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Shadowsphere (II)

Black wall eat up my life and suffocate,
This is a sad day in the Shadosphere...
Two suns are dancing cruelly in the dark,
Forcefully swimming through-out this space....

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Saltatio Crudelitatis (Der Tanz Der Grausamkeit)

Tongue of silence, lick my lips,
steal my thoughts, steal my pride.
My soul lies offered as I'm waiting,
intoxicate me when you step inside...
Hold my hands, my hands are trembling,
your charming beauty takes my breath,
fragrant perfumes veil my senses,
hold my hands sweet tormentress.
Out of darkness we call came from,
flight from darkness is in vain,
I am the banquet, I am delicious.
Into darkness we'll fall back again.
Meister des Mordes, nimm meine Augen,
an diesem Ort kann ich nicht sein.
Strecke mich nieder, zerschlage mein Haupt,
Meister des Mordes, schenke mir den Tod...
Meister des Mordes, erhære mein Flehen,
beende die Leiden, nimm den Schmerz von mir.
–ffne die Tore, es ist fìr mich Zeit.
Meister des Mordes, dieser Tanz ist Grausamkeit...
Meister des Mordes, nimm meine Augen,
gefangen im Fleische, erb¤rmlich und alt.
Fìhre mich fort in die Dunkelheit,
Vater meiner Seele, dieser Tanz iest Grausamkeit.
Vater meiner Seele, rei?mich in den Tod...
...Es tut mir leid.

Die Bruderschaft Des Schmerzes

By a route obscure and lonely, haunted by ill angels only,
where an Eidolon named "Night", on a black throne
reigns upright,
I have reached these lands but newly, from an
ultimate dim Thule.
from a wild weird clime that lieth, sublime,
out of space, out of time.
Bottomless wales and boundless floods, and chasms
and caves, and titan woods, with forms that no
man can discover for the tears that drip all over,
Mountains topling evermore into seas
without a shore
seas that restlessly aspire, surging into
skies of fire.
Lakes that endlessly outspread their lone waters,
lone and dead.
Their still waters, still and chilly with the snows
of the lolling lilly.

By the lakes that thus outspread their lone water,
lone and dead.
Their sad waters, sad and chilly with the snows of the
lolling lilly, by the mountains, near the river
murmuring slowly, murmuring ever -
by the grey woods, by the swamp where the toad
and the newt encamp,
by the dismal tarns and pools where dwell
the Ghouls, by each spot that most unholy,
in each nook most melancholy,
there the traveller meets, aghast, sheeted
memories of the past,
shrouded forms that start and sigh as they pass
the wanderer by, white-robed forms of friends
long given, in agony, to Earth and Heaven.
For the heart whose woes are legion this is peaceful,
soothing region, for the spirit that walks
in shadows this is, oh, this is Eldorado!
Bid the traveller, travelling through it, may not
dare not opening view it
never its mysteries are exposed to the weak
human eye unclosed,
so will its King who hath forbid the uplifting
of the frigid lid, and thus the sad soul
that here passes beholds it but through
darkened glasses.
By a route obscure and lonely, haunted by
ill angels only, where an Eidolon, named
"Night", on a black throne reigns
upright, I have wandered home but newly
from an ultimate dim Thule.
Dreamland...

Shadowsphere

This is a sad day here in the world of shades
but even pain has its own beauty
even pain can perform a lovely face.
Blinding stream, double-edged,
in an extra-terrestrial gloom,
beautiful creation of steel
grown in my barren womb...
They way into the light will separate me from my flesh,
myriads in their birth-giving red
swimming forcefully through-out space.
This darkest space is wide
and the mountain is still so high,
fly up my black little eyes
and cross the frontiers that dare to define my life...
No space too vast and surely no place too far,
the groping sister feels that her eyes
must be somewhere alive.
So she is afraid of all the dwellers of the dark
in their blindness they will never understand
the tempting gift of sight.
This place is cold, blindly she can feel
the dead wind caressing the rocks
from high above they come way down,
these angels kissing our undead bodies to stone...

Soror Sui Excidium

"Step into my thought, blades sharp and long !"
While I dared to gaze inside myself
and caught a glimpse of what...
yes, perform your own destruction
and I feel the same delight
share the wish to die.
Spiritualized this "Death is a mental state".
still anguish is his name.
Fill me up with your chill,
alone in my emptiness,
gratefully I'll receive your pain.
Unworthy to some light
I long to embrace you fire.
I'll be the tomb where you spread your seed
and along with your blosson I shall expire...
Leave me alone, can't you leave me alone,
the unclean presence of flesh,
I just cannot bear !
A ballet, well balanced, between pain and foregiveness
it won't collide and if I'm crushed by
I do not care,
I do no longer care...
No-one will ever recognize my fall
and if someone accidentially did,
he wouldn't waste a thought,
No, would not spare a single thought.
I cannot think of a reason why I should remain,
only their "faces" might alter
but my desperation will stay the same...
(it even increases with time...)
The barriers of the gate have simply
desoved within my tears,
the Lord of the Dark Side though shapeless,
he waits for my...
"Behold, my beloved, I'll always belong to thee".
I died for you, for you I'll die,
together in a realm of the infinite night,
I died for you, and for you I will die,
blessed be those that dwell in your light...
Hand in hand in hand in hand,
lifeless I can finally understand
Embraced to intimately,
beloved Sister of Selfdestruction.
YOU ARE INSIDE OF ME...

The Devil's Instrument

Thoughts are spinning their inescapable threads
transforming us cruelly into marionettes.
Everything I feel is pain
and the Devil holds us in his hands.
Buried desperately in my chest
a rose for myself and a rose for the dead.
A serenade of tears, lifelessly
we feel the beat, though no orchestra is there to be seen...
I am you, I am you - you are me,
what I am, what are you - who are we ?
What is truth and what is lie,
who are you and what am I?
In a cradle of mercy we are sleeping
the half-sleep of oblivion.
No holy water could wash away our faults
nor do benediction purify our unclean souls.
The gates remain locked
for the wingless children of wrath,
so long ago splintered and trodden down
us children of glass...
Please, my Lord, extinguish the light,
the illumination hurts my eyes.
My choice was wrong, so wrong:
truly everything is pain...
We are crying with wolves
like stone we are sleeping with the dead;
soon we'll be gone and you're left
the instrument...

Todeswunsch

Chill is dripping silently,
I am drowning in myself.
My hope has left me alone and barren,
my grave - the only loving place.
I hate my own loathsome smell,
this stench and old-age and maledorous fear.
How I hate each mortal cell that is rottingly
existing deep inside of me...
I cannot bear the sun so I close me eyes,
it is the perfect day to end this wretched life.
Give me the reason to life so that I might laugh
at least I'll try in bitterness...
Stop the waiting, the cruel waiting for nothing.
All I want is to forget, finally
in Sleep of Death...
I could die just like a christian.
I could fade away in sleep
but I want to die for someone,
for the one who waits for me.
I long to be a sacrifice for the Lord,
my Lord of the Darkest Side.
Everyday is a perfect day, a perfect day for suicide...!
Deliver me from the mindless crowd
when steps grow dumb behind my back.
Save me from their poisoned locks
harassing like daggers through my neck...
Here, where it's like hell to exist
only Death can bring salvation.
Please, release me from my chains that crucify me
to my eternal tribulation.
Here, where even my own image is spitting,
where I have to hide my face.
Where the distress seems so endlessly,
in this god-forsaken place...
In a former time in a long forgotten place,
when the masks and the faces had been identical twins.
As our sanctuaries were locked to hypocritical lies
now befouled they lay bare as they stalked in
so well gisguised...
Suicide, sweet suicide
deepest darkness veils my eyes...
Suicide, sweet suicide
jet-black darkness clouds my mind...
Suicide, sweet suicide
Deepest darkness in my heart...
Suicide, sweet suicide
my unclean soul, I know no light...

Drama Der Geschlechtslosigkeit

Bin weder Mann, noch bin ich Frau,
bin irgendwo zwischendrin,
Wei?nicht wohin ich gehære,
Wei?nicht was ich bin...
Traurigkeit erfìllt meine Seele
in jedem einzelnen Augenblick,
was vor mir liegt kann ich nicht sehen,
doch ich wei?es gibt kein Zurìck...
Bin wie zwælf Seelen, die begraben sind
in einem sich bewegendem Fleisch.
Zwælf grundverschiedenen H¤lften,
zu deren Kombination es wohl niemals reicht...¡¡

Freitod-Phantasien

Two half figures stand ashore
the darkest lake embraced by cold
veils of mist and icy breath
blows the leaves away...
And the old black trees spread their long dead arms.
As the souls of the dead call across the water
they both step down into the coldest depth...

Saturn-Impressionen

Der kalte See liegt schweigend im Nebel
und ewig wird er sein.
Sie alle hat er bereits empfangen,
und auch ich tauche bald in seine Fluten ein.
Die Zeit, sie liegt schon weit zurìck,
als das Erste von uns sank in die Tief hier.
Die blauen Leiber einsam faulend,
nur ihre Stimmen rufen nach mir.
Dies ist mein Schicksal und mein Verlangen,
sein kaltes Grab ist mein Pflicht.
Ich bin ein Letztes meines Geschlechts,
und ich wei?er warted schon auf mich...¡¡

Somnambulist's Secret Bardo-Life

I have no body and I feel no pain
for I am no longer here again.
Now I can fly through-out the widest space
finally I'm set free from all my chains.
A farewell to heaven and a farewell to old hell,
from now on we shall never meet again.
Neither light nor darkness are here to know my way,
there'll be no more sadness and there'll no more pain.
I can fly, yes, I can fly and I'm no longer here,
may this old flesh stay down there forever,
I shall not waste a thought.
No, I do no longer care..¡¡

Not Dead But Dying

Take my hand in the old 'Theatre Of Seven Hells',
a ferry that bowed its wings,
we call Her: 'Moon by Day'.
Life - a book of painful tongue that hurts our ears.
Flowers of the end, their seed shall grow.
Your breath shall be my coat,
the underworld is, oh, so cold.
The dead don't feel chill,
but please, hold me warm.
The aweful night has gone; what lay before...
we can't remember.
Even Morpheus has drowned in the lament
of his own weeping shadow...¡¡

Only The Dead In The Mist

Old, senseless thoughts half frozen in loneliness,
faster and faster we're spinning in circles;
imprisoned in pain, floating without sound,
the death in the mist aimlessly wandering around.
Our sad eyes say: "We have lost our view !"
Dead souls without rest, the graves are lonely and cold.
But the promised peace I'm afraid we'll never find,
for this place it lies so far
beyond the cruelest light...¡¡

This Profane Finality

Bury me deep in the blackest earth
drunken on maggots, home of thousand worms.
Nail me up into the blackest coffin
and bed me down into the deepest pit.
Shrouded I am waiting for me cold friends -
the final beasts.
You living off the lonely dead,
the moist and voluntary feast.
Sweet death, come kiss me softly
and please, please open the door for me.
It's just another grateful dead,
so please, let me enter and stay.
Forever...
Pain and torment, do what you want with me,
oh, I don't care, I don't care.
I do no longer care...
Like ancient wraiths they seem to be,
the others come to welcome me.
"Receive the new desciple in the dance of dread!"
Soulless figures swaying to the beautiful
Sounds of Death...
Forever...

Cage Within A Cage...

Wieder nur ein K¤fig innerhalb eines K¤figs,
und jegliches Erwachen ist nur grausame Illusion,
ewig gefangen in der eigenen Traum; uschung,
wie der trìgerische Traum innerhalb eines Traums...

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